I often sit and wonder if I will ever be happy... then I have to take a step back and wonder if I know what happiness is. When was the last time I was happy? Do I even know? If I don't know the definition of "Happy" then how do I know when the last time I was happy? Happy: Enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction, or joy. Okay...that's one definition. To go by this one, I don't remember FEELING joy. I truly don't. Happy: favored by luck or fortune. This definition means the same thing basically as fortunate and I have been fortunate in a few areas, so in that respect, I have been "happy" I guess you could say. Happy: Enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment. Am I content? No. I always want better. I would say in this respect, no, I'm not happy.
So, the overall consensus is, I don't believe I'm happy. I don't know what I was last happy. If I had to pick a time, it would be when I was pregnant with my first child, 9 years ago. Which is odd, because my husband was laid off from his job at the time, I didn't have a job, and I was pregnant, but I didn't care. I was happy. I didn't have anxiety. No meds. No therapy. Just my husband, myself, and my unborn child. When did it all change? Where did it all go? When will I get it back?
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